Mermaid Crisis: Trouble at the Grocery!
by omgihatelifemorethanever
Summary: Oh sweet s! HARRYPOTTERGUNDAMWING CROSSOVER! Trowa Barton and Draco Malfoy are mermaid lovers who decide to brave the world above the surface to go to the grocery store! What does that mean for our two heroes? Stress, air, and Cho Chang! Oh NO LOL!


Trowa felt like a complete ass, which was interesting because until today he had never even _seen_ an ass. How Draco had managed to convince him that it would be fun to go _on land_ to do their grocery shopping, Trowa just couldn't remember. Oh yeah, he could, Trowa had been stoned out of his mind at the time. Why Draco wanted to do this was what Trowa really couldn't figure out.

Sure, it had been kind of fun at first, groping Draco's ass when he kept falling over trying to manage a decent walk. Then when they put on human clothes, it was a little less fun, because they had to paint long skirts to make them look like pants. And then when Trowa realized what a complete ass he would look like making tiny shuffling steps in flippered feet wearing a skirt that was _supposed _to look like a pair of pants but really didn't for a whole damn day, Trowa began to regret his earlier drug-induced agreement. Damn Slytherins always had to try out all the new trends, and it didn't help that Draco was the president and founder of the school's immensely popular fashion club. He always put on fashion shows and he and Trowa always modeled and ended up having sex in one of the dressing rooms and that was good and why couldn't they be doing that now instead of making tiny unbalanced steps through the aisle of a Tom Thumb like some sort of fucked up geisha girls.

Trowa guessed this was why mermaids (cough mer_men_) were always advised not to go on land… just so they wouldn't embarrass their kinsmen by looking like total douche bags in front of humans. Oh well, they were here now and there wasn't really much Trowa could do about it now; might as well make the best of it. So when Draco stopped to fondle some fruit, Trowa took the time to surreptitiously fondle Draco's balls. When Draco nodded approvingly, Trowa let a small smile surface on his face, the first one he'd had since Draco had sent him to sleep on the couch three weeks ago. But _really _Trowa hadn't _meant_ to look bored at Draco's cousin's recital and insult… it's just that… well… it was boring! And Trowa always looked kind of bored anyway, it was his _thing, _his signature _I'm too cool for anything but sex_ look that bagged him Draco in the first place. Now he'd have to work on an _I'm actually interested in this boring ass thing that Draco is making me do_ look, or it was the doghouse for him.

Suddenly, Draco gasped and hid his face in the apple display. Trowa looked around and saw a kinda short asian chick giggling at a frightened looking grocery store clerk. Neither person looked very threatening, so Trowa pulled Draco up out of the produce.

"It's my ex, Cho, from before I came out of the closet!" Trowa didn't bother to question how his boyfriend, a gay merman, could have dated a human girl. _Such an annoying as hell human girl,_ he added to himself when her high pitched giggle sawed through his nerves again.

Cho must have had the ears of the vampire bat she resembled, because she immediately whirled around and raised a shaking finger to point accusingly at Draco.

"You!" she screeched! "You should just be damn well glad I figured out how to open peanut butter jars by myself or I would be really mad at your right about now!" With that, she flounced her hair and left the store with a wink at the clerk who had actually already left and was now hiding in the darkest corner of the storeroom in back, hugging his knees and crying out to a god he had ceased to believe in about five minutes ago when that giggling Satan had entered his store.

Back in the store, Trowa wearily plucked some Advil off the shelf. God knew he'd have one hell of a headache tonight; that girl's laugh could be used as an interrogation torture device. Draco suggestively fingered the waist of Trowa's skirt and glanced up at Trowa apologetically. Trowa immediately popped some pills into his mouth and smiled again, because he sure as hell would get laid tonight… several times if he was reading the look in Draco's eyes right.

THE END


End file.
